The thing about becoming a doula is that you will find it difficult to sleep. Not because you're worried or sad, but because you'll wake up in the morning excited to read, and you'll go to bed at night still listening to the Birthful podcast. You'll have trouble closing your eyes because there's so much to learn, so much to see.
You'll be so passionate about your work, so inspired by the women you meet with, who invite you into their lives, that you will want to do nothing but grow your knowledge so that you can better serve them. You'll think of them while you research, and when your own mom calls to check in on you. When you speak with them, and you hear their fears, and their dreams, and their hopes for the little life they are growing, you will feel honored. And then you will feel a sense of responsibility, because by listening, you have become the holder of space, the steady, deep-rooted oak standing watch over their deepest wishes.
You'll be terrified. When you step into that sacred birthing space for the first time you may not know what to do. You will look to the mother and the father and you will watch, looking for your cue. You will worry that you might miss it, that instead of holding space as you were asked to do, you will become a drain and a bother. Don't worry; you remember more than you know. You are strong, and you are capable. You are passionate and kind, and the qualities that drew you to this place and to this work will guide you. You cherish the trust the birthing pair has placed in you, and you will honor it. And as the short hours turn into long, you will lose even more sleep, but you will not mourn the loss.
You will be overwhelmed. You will not know where to begin or where to end. You will read books and make grand, sweeping plans you have no idea how to put into place. You will dream and you will set goals, and while you do all of that you will continue holding space and giving hip-squeezes and learning about jaundice. And every mother you connect with over coffee, whose leg you hold while she stretches the ever expanding boundaries of her power, will lend you strength in return.
That's the thing about becoming a doula. You will fret and you will tire, but you will not quit, because you will know that the work you do is worthwhile, that you make a difference, and that the work makes a difference to you. With every meeting, every birth, every phone call, our passion expands, stretches, and births more passion for the soul transforming work of caring for women as they transfigure.
